Like the Last One
I KNOW I know. I think you are about to blame me of being too pessimistic.
Yes, I gotta admit. Whenever people tell me to be more confident in myself, later I will forget all the things like no one has ever told me anything. After all, everything back to their original positions. Of course again it is the another cycle in my fxxking life.
Just don't know why. My genes and horoscope seem to make me born like this.
Every moment in my life was full of fear. Fear of no LOVE. Yea no kidding....this was the truth.
Maybe the fact that I was forcing myself to be independent and alone was the major catalyst.
The harder I pushed myself to be away from people, the lonelier I was. And then I tried even harder to make myself look from the outside like a strong and tough girl. Therefore the loneliness in my heart and body had been eroding my soul and finally turned me into a total freak.
"Plant an expectation; reap a disappointment"
This old adage is really true. But then jerks like me of course fell into the trap for so many times that I am already afraid of expecting luck or good things to happen on me. And now I see getting into no troubles a grace.
Yet what I am trying to say with the talk about the crap fear of no love and old adage is:
No more fear from now on and I am trying my very best to fight against the monster in my mind.
I simply want to love everyone like they are the LAST one for me. Like not expecting a new one to come.
Please trust me that I really appreciate those Experts warned me not to be that selfless because I know they all love me. But then I just cannot make myself to agree with the concept of loving a person for 30%? 50%? or maybe 99%? Oh where is the remaining 1% then? At least to me this is totally annoying in doing this whole math thing and deciding how much to love. No wonder love affairs are driving people crazy every day because they are using too much effort in thinking and calculating.
If someone does not really love you or is not worth for your love, you can simply feel it.
Maybe some like to choose to be ignorant and pretend people love them in the same way as they do. So in this case it's just about lies and fools who don't know how to protect themselves and love healthily.
Cool. This becomes my LOVE THEORY.
To love wholeheartedly until people tell me to stop not orally but through their hearts.
And having no expectations help free my soul and shoulders.
Now I am lighter than ever mentally though not physically. *God dAMn iT*
No worries guys. I am so delighted this moment even I can't help being pessimistic.
And just now I said no expectations does not mean I cannot daydream a lot as usual and make my wishes whenever a meteor flies over my head.
So here the last thing I want to say......
I Love You.
*Goosebumps......goosebumps and goosebumps. :S*
Yes, I gotta admit. Whenever people tell me to be more confident in myself, later I will forget all the things like no one has ever told me anything. After all, everything back to their original positions. Of course again it is the another cycle in my fxxking life.
Just don't know why. My genes and horoscope seem to make me born like this.
Every moment in my life was full of fear. Fear of no LOVE. Yea no kidding....this was the truth.
Maybe the fact that I was forcing myself to be independent and alone was the major catalyst.
The harder I pushed myself to be away from people, the lonelier I was. And then I tried even harder to make myself look from the outside like a strong and tough girl. Therefore the loneliness in my heart and body had been eroding my soul and finally turned me into a total freak.
"Plant an expectation; reap a disappointment"
This old adage is really true. But then jerks like me of course fell into the trap for so many times that I am already afraid of expecting luck or good things to happen on me. And now I see getting into no troubles a grace.
Yet what I am trying to say with the talk about the crap fear of no love and old adage is:
No more fear from now on and I am trying my very best to fight against the monster in my mind.
I simply want to love everyone like they are the LAST one for me. Like not expecting a new one to come.
Please trust me that I really appreciate those Experts warned me not to be that selfless because I know they all love me. But then I just cannot make myself to agree with the concept of loving a person for 30%? 50%? or maybe 99%? Oh where is the remaining 1% then? At least to me this is totally annoying in doing this whole math thing and deciding how much to love. No wonder love affairs are driving people crazy every day because they are using too much effort in thinking and calculating.
If someone does not really love you or is not worth for your love, you can simply feel it.
Maybe some like to choose to be ignorant and pretend people love them in the same way as they do. So in this case it's just about lies and fools who don't know how to protect themselves and love healthily.
Cool. This becomes my LOVE THEORY.
To love wholeheartedly until people tell me to stop not orally but through their hearts.
And having no expectations help free my soul and shoulders.
Now I am lighter than ever mentally though not physically. *God dAMn iT*
No worries guys. I am so delighted this moment even I can't help being pessimistic.
And just now I said no expectations does not mean I cannot daydream a lot as usual and make my wishes whenever a meteor flies over my head.
So here the last thing I want to say......
I Love You.
*Goosebumps......goosebumps and goosebumps. :S*
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